An Unstormable Knowing

One more round with the tempest.

She stands,

arms outstretched

in a daring embrace,

as she locks gaze with the eye of the storm.


Energy jitters up her spine,

and her tongue is dry.

She’s danced this whirl wind before.


Spun out over and over,

leaving breathless and dizzy,

that’s if she even leaves at all.


The tempest calls her name,

blowing temptingly in her ears.

Drawing her in just a bit.


One foot forward,

without conscious thought,

she’s already in forward motion,

Pulled in by the deceptive calm.


Still the weathered shawl of foreboding

settles on her shoulders,

and her skin pinpricks with that quiet

un-nameable sense,

that something is just out of step here.


She’s been around this tempest before,

this isn’t her first spin,

and lately she’s tired

of letting herself be reeled back in.


Emotionally battered,

mind windswept,

she’s intimately familiar

with the post-storm landscape.


The tempest howls,

the wind buffets at her mind,

the noise is reaching crescendo.


She turns inwards to the quiet within.

And asks a single question.

The answer makes steel rods of her legs

and she is at a stand still.


The question?

Is this, what you want, for your life?


Lightning fizzles

from within the tempest,

aiming at her stock still legs.

There is pain and tingling,

and the metal taste of hot electricity.

As the bolt hits at where she is grounded.


Is this what you want for your life?


Honestly,

the answer is so quiet,

it’s hard to hear it

beneath the roar of the storm.


Still it matters not,

because the answer becomes her vision.

She feels it right in the gaps.

She unstormably knows the answer

in every fiber of her.


She is steady as the tempest rolls over.

It flails and roars,

wails and hails.

Steadily drags at her core.


It comes with dark

and thunder and shuddering.

Shaky teeth,

and the shivering.


The storm is a mighty thing.

The knowing within is mightier still,

and she does not let the storm in.


She draws deep from within herself,

The strength to weather it.

At moments her legs falter,

and at times she is almost carried away

by the force of the storm,

still the unstormable knowing is her steadying.


The storm does its worst.

The knowing is unstormable.

The tempest passes.

She stands, still.


Her arms outstretched in an open embrace.

The storm has subsided.

And faintly in the post-storm ozone

she hears a new question.

What do you want for your life?

End of term

Hey loves,

 

It has been such wild twelve week ride. I’ve finished my first term of university, and it has been quite a journey.

 

I was wild with excitement at the beginning, buzzing and full of fuel, and so excited to get underway with my course. I had a beautiful moment of running up the stairs in our empty lecture theatre and calling out loudly “Counselling degree here we come” or word to that effect in my very first week. I literally could not wait to get started.

 

Then the work began, the assignments, and group projects, and reflective journals, coupled with family drama, and the usual parenting work, by week six, I’d gotten to a real low point. Just then the whole family caught the flu, at one point I was physically too sick to look after my boys.

Still eventually I regrouped, and out of the valley, I decided to start a youtube channel . Gradually I started to get back on course, digging deep to rekindle the passion for my degree programme. I kept working, and stumbled on some study methods that worked for me, pomodoro being chief amongst them, along side study vlogs and study with me’s on youtube to help me stay motivated.

And now here I am already in the winter break, and awaiting my results for some of my modules, and a 2000 word essay due for january 6.

 

Still, I want to document all of these feelings, I know I’ll look back on them someday as fond memories.

 

How are you all doing?

Did I tell you I’m recommitting to writing? Too long I let this limiting belief around my writing take root, that two year bout of writers block really took the wind out of my sails. I am embracing the wordsmith within once more, and I want to return to my first love. Novels, and short stories.

Watch this space.

2020 is a year of taking action for me bi’ithni’llah.

 

See you on the flipside

Take care,

Fine Words Weave 

 

Return to youtube

aperture black blur camera
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hey loves,

I’m doing a YouTube comeback tour 😅, okay to be clearer, I’m having another go at YouTube . This time around my channel is a lot more focused, with more regularly scheduled content.

It will have a lot of study content on it, vlogs, tips for mature students and student parents, both of which, I am.

I will eventually be sharing crafty and knitting videos, and hopefully I’ll have some guests on.

You can find it here

Here’s my channel intro if you’d like a sample of my videography

https://youtu.be/eUOtTW2wzmQ

I’ve really been having fun experimenting with different video editing and filming techniques. Really putting that photography course to good use… finally.

Alright, hope you’re well, and speak to you soon.

Take care

Fine words weave

Thirst for knowledge.

 

 

turned on floor lamp near sofa
Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

 

Late at night, a few essays due for uni, and I find myself scouring the net, thirsty for knowledge. Unconcerned with the topic of my essay for now, instead I read article after article of Black British women. My peers, doing amazing things, speaking about racism, race, culture, the impact it has….

My mind makes note of names, and words, I search for books on amazon, adding them to my basket, purchasing a few on audible with my backlog of credits.

It dawns on me, how thirsty I am for this knowledge. How absent it was from the majority of my education, or how two dimensional it was, when it was present there.

 

There are so many thoughts about how disconnected it all is, and a part of me grieves for my younger self.

 

Still, there is hope, with every breath there is hope.

 

Still learning, and reading…