Met my Deadline, the fanfare sounds hollow

(Current background on all my devices courtesy of Knit picks with slight modification by me)

So I finally met my deadline. Yay I got my two thousand word essay submitted on time, just barely.

When coming up to a deadline does anyone else feel the pressure building and building and building… no one? Just me? *flops down with a dramatic sigh*

In a way I think I normally thrive on that pressure. The tension builds up, and I bolster myself by looking forward to that feeling of relief and joy that I usually get as soon as the essay has been submitted. However today that feeling was nowhere to be found, I submitted my paper in turnitin and I just felt like okay. That’s good. You got it done… okay.

Things just rang a bit hollow. You know? I talked myself into doing a little happy dance, just because one of my commitments to myself is to celebrate milestones along the way.

I’m wondering if the recent chapter in my life’s story book beginning its conclusion overshadowed my joy. Im not sure because in terms of that I feel very much at peace and have a deep sense of clarity and acceptance.

Maybe I pushed myself too hard towards the end and my brain just needs a reset. That happens quite often. I mean as much effort as I put into the planning, and as much as that made theessay writing easier, I did still end up writing up about one thousand eight hundred of those words between the hours of 1pm and 3:52 pm this afternoon. That’s pretty radical when i think about it.

Hmm, okay I’ve got it now. Writing is such an illuminating process. My conclusion and introduction were both very rushed, and I have a sense that they may bring my grade down, however a late submission would mean an automatic 5% deduction of my mark. So I chose to submit on time. My takeaway? Even if you have a great planning strategy, you still need to factor in time to write, proofread, and submit your essay.

Ah it’s good to have gotten a handle on my internal thouggt process through writing this. .

All day I just noticed myself being a bit slower, slightly more thoughtful, so very aware of my need in front of my Rabb, and grateful for the small things. Whilst these are all good things not being able to put my finger on why was sloghtly agitating.

Now I can happily get bavk to be grateful for things like taking my kids to nursery and not needing to lug the buggy up and down three flights of stairs, my youngest bubba is getting to be a big boy 😭😭Alhamdulillah

Take care

Azeezat Adeola,

Fine words weave

P.s. another commitment to myself is to get some writing on this blog once a week. At the very least.

Week 1 ✅

A Yoruba Proverb

In a conversation with my mother recently she mentioned a Yoruba proverb.

Eni ti eyan ma ku han, eyan okin fi ara pamo fun

Why hide yourself from the ones you’ll be exposed to when dead

Consider this, when we die there are certain people to whom responsibility will fall. Those who ought to wash our (respective) bodies and prepare them for burial, those it falls on to take care of the rites, and organise things. In essence they are those who must take charge of our bodies, the ones to whom the obligations and, in effect our bodies now belong.

What can be inferred from the proverb is that these people have a stake in our lives, and a responsibilty towards us after we are departed. We can not hide ourselves from them in death, so logically it does not make much sense to hide ourselves from them in life.

If we feel the need to hide our problems and or struggles from our nearest and dearest, shouldn’t we also consider that at a certain point these will become their struggles too?

We are planted in the soil of our particular situations for a reason. (I firmly believe that this reason is growth, and developing a firm rooted understanding of our ultimate purpose in existence; to worship the Creator). With our ultimate reliance being placed on the Creator we can develop an understanding that support can come in from varying places and indeed people.

Reflecting, it dawns on me that I’ve made a lot of errors of late, and the one person that understands the most about how I feel concerning those mistakes, is the person I have made those errors against. What I’ve learned from this experience is that those around us can, if allowed, shed light on issues from different perspectives and help us to clarify our understanding of things, and in that way enable us to come up with a game plan for how we wish to move forward.

There is great benefit to be found in seeking assistance, and also from assisting others. As it is said, Islam is Naseeha, that is, the good advice. We can benefit from consulting with people. We still have the right to disagree, of course and that right is ours no one can take it away from us, but the blessing of having those around us who are invested and actually want good for us is that we get to make use of the resources they offer.

At times these people might be friends they may be family, the key is that they are trustworthy and want good for us, not only on a superficial level, and because of that are willing to point out to us, or indeed help us point out to ourselves where we’re going wrong or falling short of the persons we are/aspire to be.

In brief; Life is difficult at times. There is no harm in sharing part of that difficulty with those who will be there for your body after you have left it.

Welcome to the world

Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin, All praise and gratitude is due to Allah the Lord of all the worlds. Just over a week ago the new addition to our family was delivered safely into this world. I can not adequately express what a privilege, honour, and humongous blessing it is to become a parent once more. How awed and humbled I am that this honour was written for me again.

It is not possible to thank God sufficiently for all the blessings that He bestows on His creation, but it is possible to try and remember to be grateful always.

Alhamdulillah.

This poem has renewed significance.

My Lord is All-Aware.

Thank you for taking the time to read these musings, take care. Posts might slow down a bit as we get settled in.

Lots of love and hopes for your peace in this life and the next,

Azeezat

❤️✨❤️

Crisis <3

As salaam alaykum,  Peace be upon you.

I’ve been away from my cosy little corner the internet for a while. Did you miss me? I’ve been busy looking after my new born baby 🙂 Alhamdulillah. I’ve found a few spare moments though to write this very important post.

This year, my mum and kid brother (who is not a kid but rather a young man, though I fear I may always think of him as my baby brother) will be volunteering and fundraising for Crisis. Sponsoring them, can help to provide a place for a homeless person at crisis this winter, this would include three nutritious meals a day, advice and year round access to services.

Continue reading “Crisis <3”

Black Girls Are Beautiful

Black girls are beautiful, from the lightest tones to the deepest hues, with the deepest of dark, or most translucent light colour eyes, the beat of our hearts and the strength of our laughter.
Black girls are beautiful, from the quietest most meek seeming, to the loudest most in your face, the colour of our skin is simply a beautiful marker, of the number of days the sun shines down on us, and shined down on our mothers, and their mothers before us. 
Black girls are warmth, tenderness, and laughter, and heat, and passion. Fierce, and taking none of your nonsense, loving so deeply, and strongly, to protect that love we might just shatter you, yet there is a vulnerability, not all of you get to witness. 
That vulnerability coming partly from the innate nature of a human, compounded by how the outside tries to confine us, put down, brow beat, rough shodden, at times left unprotected. 
Black girls are strength through and through, busting out of boxes meant to define, but we are sublime. If you ever see the flash of our teeth, smiling or grimacing they shine, know that our spirit will never decline. 
Black girls are beautiful, watch us soar, everyday coming to love ourselves more and more.
This poem first appeared as a comment to this post and was written by yours truly. 

The best cousins…

Alhamdulillah, all praise is due to Allah; I’ve got some brilliant cousins.

I’m not just saying that, it’s true! This is why it’s good to share good news sometimes, that feeling of spreading joy, and sharing your happiness is so much better than sharing your worries. Got to love family.
Ya Allah, open the doors of goodness for them. Amin x

In other news, I was craving cinnamon and cookie dough ice-cream tonight. I guess it’s a good thing, that I probably won’t get to have any though: After all, ice cream is not exactly the healthiest of midnight snacks…

🙂

I went to work today. I’ve got a part time job! I don’t know if I told you? 👯 I’ve just started, and the contracts still need to be sorted out, but I’ve been blessed with a job. Hip hip hooray! I already feel like a contributing member of society. Yay!

Alhamdulillah.

In other news, the yearly October self debate has begun, what am I going to write about? plan or pants? fiction or non-fiction? 🙂 I’m looking forward to this year’s NaNoWriMo.

Here are some pretty pictures from my day.

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Alright, I’m signing off. I’m already awake, now is as good a time as any to get some studying in. Might as well give it a go, before I go back to sleep.

Good night my people.

XxX

A.B.A.A